Have a Laugh

paultheeagle
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Re: Have a Laugh

Post by paultheeagle » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:52 am

😂😂😂
Up the Palace.

Paul.


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prefdavid
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Baby Planes

Post by prefdavid » Sat Oct 20, 2018 8:05 am

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy had been looking out of the window. He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother couldn't think of an answer.

The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?

The boy replied, "Yes, she did."

“Well," said the flight attendant, "you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that one to you"

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Batwoman
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Re: Have a Laugh

Post by Batwoman » Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:00 am

:lol: :lol:
Lizzie x

paultheeagle
Posts: 263
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:28 am

Re: Have a Laugh

Post by paultheeagle » Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:27 pm

😀😀😀
Up the Palace.

Paul.

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prefdavid
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WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

Post by prefdavid » Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:51 am

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.

· A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

· "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

· "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

· "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

· "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner(about Ernest Hemingway).

· "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

· "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

· "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

· "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
· "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

· "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

· "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

· "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

· "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

· "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

· "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

· "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

· "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

· "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

· "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

· "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

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Batwoman
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Re: Have a Laugh

Post by Batwoman » Thu Nov 01, 2018 10:46 am

Very funny and very clever. :)
Lizzie x

Brightonbreezy
Posts: 271
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:52 am
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Have a Laugh

Post by Brightonbreezy » Thu Nov 08, 2018 12:10 pm

Just had these sent to me by a friend... I don't particularly approve of them all!




Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all
production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.

------------------------------------------

Jonathan Ross has been
accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

----------------------------------------
Police stopped a Bulgarian in his transit van on the motorway.
Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear
that........3 of you have got to get out!"

----------------------------------------

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.
"Bo***cks to that" said Paddy "That's the
last time I go lion dancing"

----------------------------------------

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

----------------------------------------

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

----------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

----------------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

----------------------------------------

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said
white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

----------------------------------------

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics
after they tested positive for WD40.

----------------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......

----------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka

----------------------------------------

In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold,
silver, bronze, copper & lead.

----------------------------------------

The sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver
and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth.

----------------------------------------
An Englishman has started his own business in
Afghanistan. He is making Land Mines that look like
prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!

----------------------------------------


A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were
labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, never mind the pills, have you seen the
dragons in the kitchen?!

----------------------------------------

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Andrew

Enjoyed cruising since 1995 and have been lucky enough to have sailed with Cunard, P&O, Princess, Celebrity, Fred Olsen, Saga, Portuscale, Marella & CMV - plus one Nile cruise. To come: Azura, Coral Princess & Aurora.

paultheeagle
Posts: 263
Joined: Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:28 am

Re: Have a Laugh

Post by paultheeagle » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:27 pm

😁😁😁
Up the Palace.

Paul.

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Batwoman
Posts: 426
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 8:23 pm

Re: Have a Laugh

Post by Batwoman » Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:50 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Lizzie x

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prefdavid
Posts: 301
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Re: Have a Laugh

Post by prefdavid » Sat Nov 10, 2018 5:27 pm

:D :lol: :D :lol:

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